Finding Elizabeth
by Through the Mirror Darkly
Summary: Elizabeth lost herself, but Lucas helped find her find herself again. (Pro-Elizabeth! MI-5/Spooks Light Crossover)


**Disclaimer: **I own nothing from General Hospital, nor MI-5/Spooks. I write this for my amusement, and hopefully for yours as well.

**Summary: **Elizabeth had lost herself, but Lucas helped her find herself again. (Pro-Elizabeth!)

**Pairings: **Lucas North/Elizabeth Webber, past relationship mentioned

**Timeline: **2011, a little bit AU but not overly so

I was basically upset with how they wrote 2010 to 2011 Elizabeth. I thought that they could have made it a much more sinister storyline with Helena waltzing around Shadybrooke

**Inspiration: **Honestly this idea came from my "Made of Stone" Hobbit fic. In my head my OC, Elizabeth Morgan, is played by Rebecca Herbst and her love interest Thorin, Richard Armitage because he plays Thorin in the movies. After I watched the Hobbit movies, Richard Armitage became one of my favorite actors. I watched him in MI-5/Spooks, and with all the spy stuff going down on GH recently the plot bunny kept floating around my head. Finally, I decided to write it out and hopefully you all like it.

**Warnings: **Mentions of violence, of torture, of past rape, nothing graphic but may be triggering

I have made fanart of Lucas North and Elizabeth Webber. It's in one of my fanart fics at tthfanfic, and my penname is cloudleonsgurl so go check it out if you are interested. I tend use Rebecca Herbst (Elizabeth) a lot in my fanart when original characters are involved.

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><p><strong>FIND ELIZABETH<strong>

This was insanity. It had to be, right?

Haunted by images of Jake, losing track of time of, almost killing Siobhan and then what was worse is that she couldn't say what she truly meant. Like the other day she went to Lucky that she happy for him and Siobhan because he looked and acted more like the Lucky she had known all those years ago. Instead, she knew that she was giving Lucky the impression that she was still in love with him even though that was far from the truth.

Her temples throbbed and ache. She knew this foggy feeling. She had felt it before. Back in 2009, when she started the affair with Nicolas. When she could not said what she meant, when her memories felt foggy and some days she felt disgusted with herself because…_because _it wasn't her. It was like she was trapped in the backseat and someone else was at the wheel. Anytime that she went to confide in Lucky or Nicolas because they were her _friends. _She hadn't wanted to be anything more with anymore after her and Jason split up so what the hell went wrong? She glared at the door, the door she had just thrown Siobhan out of when the Irish woman had accused Elizabeth of using Jake's death to get sympathy from Lucky. If all the people would just leave her alone, then maybe she could just think.

Running her hands through her hair, she made her way up to her bedroom and as soon as she stepped through the threshold arms wrapped around her. A scream was crushed by a hand pressed down against her lips, and she felt the pinprick sensation of a needle nicking into her throat. Fear and panic rushed through her blood as darkness ebbed away at her vision and she heard a voice whisper into her ear. "It's alright, Elizabeth," a voice whispered into her ear. "Just close your eyes. You'll remember. Just close your eyes…"

And Elizabeth's eyes slid closed.

_Suddenly she was stuck a dream. Or was it a nightmare?_

_Perhaps it was both. It was like her entire life flashed before her eyes, and more. Pieces that she had been missing suddenly came back into startling clarity. She remembered 2007, and Jake. All the dancing she did with Jason, and all the horrible things that Sam had done to her and her children. How could she have forgotten all of that? She remembered how it felt to have Jason walk away once more, how broken she had felt. How she drowned her sorrows at Jake's then…then…a prison…doctors…and something else. Something else she needed to remember._

_Suddenly it was 2009, seeing Jason with Sam hurt less than she had thought it would. And somehow she was 'in love' with Lucky, but she knew she wasn't. She wasn't about to go back down that path and yet she did. Then the affair with Nicolas, and it was a disaster of epic proportions…so why did it feel like she had in some way had been set up? Hateful words, hallucinations, she felt like she was going insane. She was going to die, she felt like this was dying. She was still not getting it…_

_She _was _meant to die._

_She _wasn't _meant to survive._

_She was supposed in a chair in Shady Brooke…_

_"Just like Laura," Helena's voice mocked her._

_Her mind flash-forward through all of 2010, her poor choices then all the way to Jake's death. How she had held him, crying. How it had only been a head wound. But…hadn't he been unrecognizable bloody mess when they pulled from the ambulance? Something was just not right. Something was just not right and she was still forgetting something. It was a niggling sensation in the back of her mind, and then suddenly it hit her like a freight train. The sound of the cellphone ringing…_

_"What do you need?" Elizabeth asked._

_"I…don't know…" the voice was deep, velvety was raw with emotions. "I shouldn't have called. I'm sorry."_

_"Lucas…"_

_"You can't heal this! No one can heal this…"_

"_He doesn't have power of your. Filth like Darshavin washes away…just like filth like Tom Baker washes away."_

_"You're so good to me. I don't deserve it."_

_"I need a friend and you are always there. No matter who comes and goes out of my life, it seems like you've become my one constant. Thank you, _Lucas_…" _Elizabeth's eyes flickered open, and she found herself lying on her couch staring blankly up at the ceiling. Her heart was a steady rhythm in her heart and Elizabeth felt more like herself than she had in a long time. She saw someone set a cup of tea on the table and she slowly craned her head. "Lucas…" she whispered out.

Lucas North was a tall man with broad shoulder and taper waist. With smoldering blue eyes, the color of cornflowers with flecks of midnight blue held within, he stared at her as he gave her his signature crooked smile upon lips shaped like a cupid's bow. "It's finally good to see you in the flesh, Elizabeth," he said, his voice rich and velvety like butter. There was no man who compete with his voice and accent. Not even Jax, Elizabeth thought idly. His chiseled features were not classically handsome with his large aristocratic nose and high swept cheek bones, but he was compelling. "I apologize for frightening you so," he said, genuine regret upon his features. "But given the circumstances, I feared there no other course of action."

Elizabeth's hand fluttered to her neck where the needle had puncture through her skin. "What did you give me?" She demanded, only marginally angered.

"A drug to counter act the ones Helena had given you," Lucas stated, simply.

"The ones that Helena…" Elizabeth's face fell and her skin went white. It all came crashing back, and her stomach rolled. She barely had time to get to her feet and rush to the bathroom before she was heaving up all her lunch. Lucas followed at a more sedated pace, and knelt beside her, gently holding her hair out of the way. His other hand rubbed comforting circles between her shoulder blades as she choked on sobs, bile burning the back of her throat as hot tears rolled down her face. "Oh, God…oh, god…I was at Jake's," she whispered out, as soon as she managed to get her voice back. She rocked back and forth on the bathroom floor. "I was drinking…and then I remember blacking out and waking up strapped to a table. There were the doctors hooking me up to the machines and…Helena. She was mocking me, telling me how I was going to destroy Lucky and everyone and how in the end I would end up just like Laura…" She shook her head back and forth. "They…they beaten me. They tortured me. They did unspeakable things to me, and…not once did anyone know I was _missing_?"

"I did." Lucas whispered out. "I knew that something was wrong when you stopped calling. Then when I called the next time, and you didn't remember who I was...I knew something was very wrong."

Elizabeth looked at him, sadly. "I remember that. I am so sorry," she whispered out.

"It's not your fault, Elizabeth. None of this has been your fault. It was Helena's and partially the Spencers for dragging you into a war between them," he told her, sharply. He knew how it felt to be abused, and tortured until you lost yourself. He had lived through eight years of hell in a Russian prison. He knew exactly what Elizabeth had endured.

"How am I going to make this right?" Elizabeth wondered out, her hands shaking. Helena had used her to destroy not only her life, but those around her. She had turned her inside out and Elizabeth knew that she couldn't recognize herself anymore. How did one come back from that? How could she heal herself once again from going through something horrible like that?

"You helped heal me," Lucas told her, simply. "I will do everything in my power to help heal you and to make all those that hurt you pay."

Elizabeth had been made promises before. From Lucky, from Ric, from Jason. In truth, she never believed any of them to follow through after the first round where they had broken them. Her eyes stared soulfully at Lucas's. "I believe you," she whispered out.

And to her surprise, she really did.

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><p><em>It started with a phone call.<em>

_A simple ring of the phone ended up leading her to a happiness she could not have foreseen in a million years. It was on the cusp of being 2008, and Elizabeth found herself adrift. No matter how much her and Jason tried, the plans they made always fell through. One thing or another always came up, and Jason ended up putting someone else first. She could deal with it, maybe._

_She loved him enough to try, but somehow it just felt like Sonny had faked his death all over again. Jason was always off somewhere, and she didn't matter. She was left here, always waiting and she always fighting the people who pushed her to Lucky, even now after all happened. She had wished…she had wished that Emily were still alive. Or even Georgie. The young woman had babysat for her and had been a good friend though many did not know that. It was like all she loved was slipping away from her. She remembered resting her head against the glass of the window, cool from winters chill staring out across the yard covered in snow. "Emily," she had breathed. "Emily if you are up there…please…I wish you were. I wish I had someone to talk to…"_

_And then the phone rang._

_It's shrill noise shocked Elizabeth. She turned and stared numbly at the phone, silent tears streaking down her face. Slowly, she had drawn herself up and walked over to the phone while whipping away the tears. She drew in several sharp breath in an effort to compose herself because it was probably Lucky, or Lulu, or Grams. She did not want to have them know she was having a mini meltdown. Picking up the phone, she clicked the button then pressed it to her ear. "Hello?" Her voice was soft, and composed. Her face twisted, several emotions hitting her when the voice came over the other end. "Dad?!"_

_Elizabeth had been pissed. Elizabeth had been irate. How else was she supposed to feel? Her father hadn't bothered to call her since she was fifteen? Any message she had been given had been passed through her grandmother? She had hung up on him, and had ignored the ringing phone three times after. At the fourth ring, she answered it again. "What do you want?" She demanded, heatedly. She had no compulsion to be nice to him. Not even pretend to be nice._

_Then of course he had to go and ruin that by telling her that he had no idea what she was going through. Audrey had been filtering the messages to Elizabeth, and every time they called Audrey said that Elizabeth was out. Eventually she said Elizabeth wanted nothing to do with them. Elizabeth was hurt, reeled by the apparent truth and she just couldn't comprehend it. "No. No, she wouldn't do that," Elizabeth said, shakily. "Why would she do that?"_

_"She saw you as her second chance Elizabeth. She never liked my line of work, and wanted to use you and Sarah turning you into what she thought I should have been," Jeff had explained, heartbroken._

_"But you're a doctor," Elizabeth pointed out. "Just like your father, and your father's father."_

_"I'm not your average doctor." If finding out about Audrey's betrayal was a hit to the gut, finding out her dad was a doctor/slash for MI-5 was like a nuclear bomb going off. Her dad was like freaking James Bond (though with less cool gadgets, his words not hers) and her mom was like a Bond girl. She almost laughed when she realized that people had always told her to be more like her parents like her siblings were, but in truth, she was more like her parents than anyone had ever imagined. Dealing with bombs, being held at gun point, faking her death. After a few moments, she asked why he was telling her this. Why now of all times?_

_Jeff explained that him and her mother had wanted to contact Elizabeth when it became apparent Liz was no longer underneath Audrey's roof top, but they had been deep uncovered for several years against a terrorist plot. They couldn't risk exposure, and they could not risk someone linking them to Elizabeth or the rest of their family. Jeff had to head back soon, only a short reprieve, but he had something he needed Elizabeth to do. Elizabeth almost groaned. Of course, someone else telling me how to live my life, she mentally prepared herself for the hypocritical lecture._

_But one never came._

_Instead, Jeff said, "Live for yourself. Live for your boys. Don't ever let someone dictate your life or make you believe you are less than what you should be. I wish your mother and I had been better parents to you kids, and had given up this life years ago, but we were selfish. Don't be like us." _

_Elizabeth felt hit by so much. Tears welled up in her eyes, and she dabbed them away with the end of her sleeve before they could roll down her cheeks. "I'll keep that in mind," Elizabeth stated, softly. It wasn't often someone didn't have specifications on how Elizabeth should act or should be in order to be loved. This conversation didn't make up for all the times Jeff and Carolyn weren't there for her, but she now knew there was so much more to it than she had ever believed. "And the other thing?"_

_"I need a favor. Not for me, it's for a friend of mine. He just returned to MI-5 and Harry might think he is well enough for work, but I'm a doctor and I can see that he is barely hanging on by a thread," Jeff informed her quickly._

_"What do you want me to do?" Elizabeth frowned. It wasn't like she could just hope on a plane to England. She didn't have that kind of luxury and she wasn't about to take the kids out of Port Charles though now that she thought about it…it wasn't that bad of an idea. Port Charles when she first arrived had seemed so filled with potential, she could see her dreams form before her eyes. Instead, she now saw it as toxic. Port Charles and it's inhabitants had crushed all her dreams._

_"Talk to him. I'll give you his number and tell him to be expecting you to call him, if you want to. You can say no, Elizabeth."_

_When had Elizabeth every said no to helping someone?_

_The first time she called, he didn't answer._

_The second time she called, he didn't answer._

_The third time, the same result._

_Then he had called her at one o'clock in the morning, then chickened out and hung up when she asked him what he needed. Then he called again, and began to slowly open up to Elizabeth. Elizabeth had understood what he was going through, at least in parth. He hadn't wanted help. He didn't want to feel weak anymore. He wanted to pretend if no one could see it then it was like it didn't happen. Lucas had been beaten, tortured, and raped for 8 years in a Russian prison. He had endured water boarding, and electric shock torture. He still couldn't take a shower, and sometimes getting caught underneath the rain caused him to panic. Jeff Webber, who had been the doctor called in to examine him, had concluded he was suffering PTSD as well as several other things. When the notion of a psychiatrist was brought up, Lucas immediately shot it down so when Jeff suggested someone who wasn't tied to MI-5 to talk to, a civilian it gave Lucas pause._

Agreeing to help Lucas North was something Elizabeth could never regret. When the loss of Emily had been so keen, he had been like a lifeline to hold onto. He became so important to her, more important than anyone else had been in her entire life. Lucky had fixed her soul, Jason had fixed her heart, but Lucas…Lucas, she had realized as she held the cup of tea between her hands, had _become _her heart and soul. Somehow the talks they had, the video chats, the confidence they held into each other turned into something more. She knew he felt it as well, but there had been literally an ocean between them. His obligation kept him there, and hers kept her here.

"So how is MI-5?" She asked, lightly. She wanted to ask how he knew about Helena, or how ended up on her doorstep, but with the meltdown she just had, she was sticking with safer topics. If MI-5 could be considered safer topic.

"Retired."

Elizabeth arched an eyebrow. Lucas had claimed the reason he wanted back into MI-5 so quickly after being freed from captivity was because MI-5 was home. "Retired? At 38?" She asked, with a frown. _Translation: What happened?_

"It was time to retire," Lucas stated, with a shrug. _Translation: I made a mistake. It cost me, and if I wanted to live, I had to leave. _It was startling that even after two years with no contact that there were still so in sync with one another. "How are you feeling?" He inquired, lightly.

"Fine."

"Elizabeth," he just gave her a look. "I know that you are reeling, and I know that the memories are still hitting you. The drug is counter acting two years of brainwashing, it will take its toll and it may take you a lot to remember everything. I know that you are far from fine."

Elizabeth knew he would see right through her. "Dirty. Unclean. Like no matter how many shower I take, no matter how much water I use I will never be clean again," Elizabeth said, draining the cup of the last ounce of tea. She leaned back against the couch, not caring about her posture. "It's not just what Helena and her men did to me. It's the fact that I manipulated people I care about, and I _used_ my children as weapons."

"Helena brainwashed you, Elizabeth," Lucas stated, tersely. "She conditioned you to be a weapon against everyone around you."

"I should have been stronger," Elizabeth shook her head. Tears welled up in her eyes, but she held them a bay. She had been crying too much lately. "I should have fought harder."

"Is that what you think?" Lucas asked, his voice dangerously quiet. His blue eyes burned through her, and he leaned forward in his seat until she met his eyes. "That you didn't fight?" His hand reached forward until it rested on her knee and he gave a comforting squeeze. "Elizabeth, you fought. You fought otherwise you wouldn't be here. Helena intended on you losing your mind. She intended on you ending up in Shadybrooke or worse dead. You fought, you struggled day in and day out. It is not your fault that no one stopped to see."

"You knew," Elizabeth said, her voice trembling. Her brows pinched together and she looked at him like he was something she had never seen before. It was so surreal that he was here in person. That he was tangible and not a face on a screen or a voice in her ears. "How did you know?" She questioned.

Lucas hand slid into hers, and he was amazed by how warm she was. How alive. "When you didn't remember me, I looked into it," Lucas started, quietly. "I thought perhaps there had been an accident. Perhaps you had amnesia, but when none of that came up I went to your Uncle Harry and told him about it. He agreed to let me start digging further into, off the record, of course."

"Of course," Elizabeth gave a slight smile. She never met her uncle, and personally she didn't want to. He let Lucas rot in a prison for eight years knowing what would happen to him, she wasn't sure if she wanted to be around a man capable of that.

"It was then I noticed that you apparent had taken a trip," Lucas ran his finger down her lifeline delicately. It was a long line, but it was crisscrossed with other tiny lines that were supposed to mean trials and tribulations. She had so many of them. "Without the boys for two weeks, then reappeared back in Port Charles. I thought this suspicious and I was right. It was only a matter of tracking it back to Helena after that."

"Then…then why did you wait so long to come to me?" Elizabeth questioned, lightly. Her finger tightened around his, and he heaved a heavy sigh.

"My life was falling apart at the seams. I almost betrayed my country, I almost betrayed my friends, and I remembered…I remembered doing something horrible when I was in college and it began to fray at my mind. I found my old girlfriend, Maya, thinking that perhaps if she saw some good in me then…then it would be okay. But she wasn't you," Lucas admitted, his fingers ran over her palm worshipfully. "I couldn't replace you. I needed you then when I felt like I was drowning all over again. But you didn't know who I was, and I had no way of undoing what Helena did to you…not until now."

Elizabeth felt a tear roll down her cheek.

"Elizabeth," Lucas reached up, his fingertips touching his chin ever so slightly. "I have spent every waking moment after I picked up the pieces to find a way to help you. My only regret is that it took me so long."

For the first time in years, it felt like someone was actually seeing her. That someone saw the person that she truly was underneath all the specifications and obligations her so called family and friends had her living by. "I doubt anyone will believe that Helena did this to me. They'll probably accuse me of another lie," Elizabeth commented, quietly.

"Then they are fools," Lucas shrugged.

Elizabeth cracked a small smile. "You make it sound so simple."

"You'll find that things are always simple. It's us humans who complicate things," Lucas stated, with a slight smirk. His blue eyes flickered to the window, and he saw that it was dark outside. "It's late. You need your sleep if you are going to do a double shift tomorrow."

"How did you…Nevermind," Elizabeth playfully rolled her eyes. "I shouldn't be surprised you know that. You probably knew Cameron and Aiden was at my grandma's."

"Yes," Lucas readily admitted. "It's why I chose tonight. I didn't want the children to be here, and get scared or frightened." His blue eyes searched her face, as he brushed a stray lock of hair out of the way. "Are you going to be okay?"

Elizabeth stared down at him, before she pressed her forehead against his. She knew that at some point during their conversation, she fell in love with Lucas North. She had a suspicion he felt the same way, and to have him here with her was something she never thought she'd have. "For the first time in a long time…" Elizabeth breathed out. "I think I am."

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><p>END OF THE STORY!<p>

**I am no sure if I will expand on this story just yet. If I do it will happen after my Sherlock/GH one that I have yet to expand on. Unless someone is interested in picking this up and making a full length story, then just ask me. I had no problem with that. **

**RRs are appreciated.**


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